Saturday, October 20, 2012

Daddy's and Daycare's and Choices, Oh My!

So our Son will be turning one in a few short weeks.

We have spent the last few months visiting daycares in our area.

Now if you had asked me two years ago if I would ever be the type of Dad fighting for a spot at a daycare,
or praying to get my Son on a waiting list,
or even willingly sitting for an "interview" with a school's director,
I would have answered with a resounding "HELL NO!" 

And yet here I am...
guilty as charged. 

We were able to quickly cross many off our list,
Didn't get a great vibe,
or hated the location,
or one too many references to a Holy Father who's name was neither Joel or Henry.

But once we narrowed down the field to our top three, things really started getting interesting.

I'm going to save some of the juicier details for later but I thought you'd get a kick out of knowing what finally helped us decide.

Was it the organic gardens the kids tended?
Was it the Italian method of enriching our Son's mind?
Not entirely. 
Was it the networks of cameras that would enable me to watch his every move from any handheld device I own?
Was it the quantity of languages spoken at the facility?
No, Non, Nein. 

I'll tell you what it was.

Although his new school offers their own individualized versions of all of the above.
What clinched it for us was that after our second visit,
and after we had brought Ben in to get his opinion and to introduce him to his possible new caregivers, and after we had signed our lives away in forms and consents.

Yes, after all that, the schools director sheepishly and with obvious concerns not to offend asked us if we were a two Dad family.

Why yes, we replied.

To which she smiled and through her arms up in joy and said, 
Yay! We've always wanted one of those!!!!!!!! 


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Thursday, October 11, 2012

A Letter to my Son on his Daddies' Third Wedding Anniversary

our wedding day 10/10/09

To my dearest Benjamin,

I sit and write you this letter as I celebrate being married to your Papa for three years.

When I met that sweet man some seven years ago, I could have never imagined that today would not only mark our wedding day but also find us a mere 17 days away from your first birthday.

No my little angel, You and your Papa were wishes that I never thought God would grant me.

After we exchanged vows and put shiny rings on our fingers, we returned to our lives with a new understanding of Marriage rights and the fight that our Country was involved in regarding who deserved them and who did not.

By the time you are old enough to read this letter and truly grasp its message, the idea of marriage equality will probably seem silly to you.
Perhaps you have even read about this sad time in our Civil Rights Movement in your school books, assuming schools still use books.

Yes my love, today as I spin this tale for you there are indeed people in this world that don't believe your Daddies should have these shiny rings on our fingers, or our Marriage Certificate on the wall, or most devastatingly of all, have you in our lives.

We had to travel to another place to be married (Boston) because where we now call home (Florida) would not let us, It's illegal here.

All your family came with us and it was beautiful.
There was so much love in that room and we were so happy because there, in that wonderful place, a Reverend pronounced us a married couple.

During the ceremony he said that our union was bringing together two family traditions, two systems of roots in the hopes that a new family tree would become strong and fruitful.

It was almost like the Reverend knew that one day you would be coming into our lives.
And most probably, as you read these words, your brothers and sisters too.

When your Papas came home from that wonderful weekend we almost immediately began praying for you,
and dreaming of you,
and wanting for you.

At that time two men being fathers was not allowed in many states in this Country.
But each time a new door opened your Daddies held hands, took deep breaths and passed through knowing that each new possibility brought us closer to you.

Until finally you were here and you were ours.

I don't know if you know this but you were the first little baby in this town of ours to be adopted by two men, jointly.

I know that's no big deal to you now but when you were tiny it really was.

And because of you, other two daddy and two mommy families could have babies too.
You were, and are, very special my Son.

So when you read this you will understand that your Fathers had to break some barriers and move some mountains to be together, to be married.

That fight grew stronger and so much more meaningful in order to have you.

We didn't wait until the timing was better.
We didn't wait until our State said we could.
We didn't wait until the minority ruled, or the majority agreed.

We listened to our hearts and let nothing and no one stand in our way.
Nothing came between you and us, nothing.

Right now, at this moment in time we are trying to decide what type of schools are best for you.
We are also wondering if we should move our family to one of those places where we are legal and safer and more accepted.
It is a time of heavy thought and big decisions, all with you at it's core.

Right now, at this moment in time, you are trying to walk and talk, and you find all things wondrous and beautiful.
Even in a world that does not always share in your joy.

You make us happy beyond belief my beautiful Ben.

So I write to you today my Son, October 10, 2012, on our anniversary date because I want you to know how much I love you and your Papa.

The love that consumes this family is why the heavens moved and you both came my way.
Never forget that My Sweetheart, never.

Your Daddy

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