Monday, May 28, 2012

Carpe Diem - Seize Your Gay Day!

We appear to live in a world of haves and have nots.
Are and are nots.
Always looking over the fences,
wanting what the others have.
Never really aware of what we already have or are.

I am a Gay Man, married to the same and raising a child in a world where so many feel that to be a dream, an impossibility.
Now, please understand.
I do not marginalize or minimize, in any way shape or form the war that is waging for equal rights in the LGBT community.
It's just that I live my life not with the idea of tomorrow or one day,
but rather in the realities of today.

There are countless individuals throughout the world that continue to deny a shift,
a change.
They live in protest as if their nays and boo's will stop the momentum of a time that has definetley arrived,
not a time that is coming.

Not a time being prayed for,
but one that is here.

This is certain, 
I am proof.
My Husband and Son are proof. 

The remarkable parents we know today,
living and loving with babies in tow are not a mirage.

Our Little Gay Group

they are not anomalies or flukes,
they are real and profound and are only a small part of what I call the changing faces of our World's families.
You see,
we exist, already.

Marianne Williamson speaks of shining a light into the darker recesses of life.
Once it has been lit,
it is real.

No longer left to other people's devises or imaginations.

A light has been shined onto to our lives like never before.
We can no longer be avoided,
voted against,

We are everyone,
and no matter how hard you may try to ignore your own reflection, 
eventually you are left gazing into your own eyes and having to accept yourself and all others as real. 

Years ago when my Husband and I were Married, our Reverend said we were pioneers.

Just because a state lifts a ban or enacts some form of legislation does not mean that countless Gays and Lesbians would be tripping over them selves to get to an alter.
And this is true,
there is no proof that any state that allows Gay marriage has been inundated with same gendered marriages.

As a matter of fact,
most same sex couples that dream of being married who still live in state's that do not allow their  marriages stay put.
They wait, and they pray for equal rights, for freedom.
They wait in their towns,
on their blocks,
in their homes,
safely and comfortably.

Oh we will marry one day when it's legal here.
Well damnit,
it's legal there.
Go get some!.

We travelled out of state and brought our marriage back.
Our reality is not when we will be allowed, as if we needed permission.
No, that is not our struggle,
ours is helping people understand that tomorrow is today.

I challenge every Gay, Lesbian Bi or Transgendered individual that reads this and finds themselves closing their eyes at night to the one they love to book a trip.
Find a chapel,
a mountain,
a river,
a Church,
a Priest,
a Rabbi
or Wiccan Priestess to solemize your love for one another.

Yes, fill up those charming b&b's,
or those trendy hotels,
or simply walk up the stairs of the many city halls that will embrace you and help you marry.
It's not just a piece of paper,
it's proof positive that part of our struggles have ended,
that some mountains are moving,
that adversity is giving way.
And then,
if your hearts tell you that you are meant to start a family,
go out and start your family!
Foster, adopt, use a surrogate, find your way,
but for god sake stop waiting for approval,
stop depending on a blanket, go ahead. 
Carpe Diem, seize your day,
your Gay day!
My Husband and I are not unique,
nor wealthy,
nor strongly connected.
We are just two Gay married Fathers raising babies in the good ole U.S. of A. 
Now if that's not proof that it's real,
than what the heck is?

Our little Gay Family

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Sunday, May 13, 2012

The Mother and Father in me.

Author and his Mom

I recently said two very interesting things while chatting with some friends.

They were so interesting that I actually heard myself say them and thought, 

One was that my Mother had been all the Father I needed.

And the other was that I was Fathering the way I was Mothered.

hmmm, right?

My Mother, divorced in the late 60's and took on the awesome responsibility of raising a Son alone.

She up and moved us out of the city and took me to a place where I would be safe and loved and where I would, literally, want for nothing.

Now those of you familiar with me know that I spend much time collaborating with all kinds of Moms and Dads that know..
well pretty much everything.

In this world of blogging EVERYONE is an expert,
even the ones that claim to not be are actually selling themselves as the experts at not being experts.

We have Stay at Home Dads that, as Rodney said, get no respect!

We have Moms who's only purpose in life is to let us know that Breast Is Best!
leaving some of us Breast-less Dads with some very hungry children.

there's the INTACT movement, sharing their beliefs regarding circumcision,
mutilation, barbaric, old school, etc. etc.

And all of that,
in the name of Good Parenting. 
(and I believe their intentions to be true.)

We have religious groups that believe that NO PARENT, I repeat, NO PARENT is better than a GAY PARENT!

Why there's even a movement to abolish the words Mothers and Fathers and replace them with Parents.

That my friends is already happening,
and it is preposterous.
Same gendered families receiving their children's birth-certificates find themselves labeled as Parent 1 and Parent 2.

Not Mothers and Fathers as we would hope to be,
would expect to be.

All in the name of Good Parenting 
and of course saving the Sanctity of Holy Matrimony
and that,
one man one woman thing..

So obviously there is much we could all disagree on when it comes to raising our children.
So many sides that could be taken,
groups that could be joined,
theories that could be engaged.

but I'll go out on a limb and say that we all agree (deep down inside) that there really is no right or wrong way of being a good Mother or Father,
or both.

When I think of Fathering the way I was Mothered,
I have now come to realize that my Mom had to build our home by filling in a lot of the missing Dad blocks on her own,
she cemented them in place by using what ever knowledge she already innately possessed.

She could not have gone on line and found how to's on a Single Mothers raising Sons site,
and yet she did it,
the way her heart told her to.

Did she have to learn to not get stepped on?

Did she have to learn how to discipline a some what difficult boy?

Did she have to wing it and learn on the fly without the this method or that method?

And she was able to find a way to do all that historically Father stuff
and still give me a Mothers heart,
a Mothers touch.

Because of that,
because of the duality of all she had to be, become and embody.

I learned to now Father the way I was Mothered,
with compassion and warmth,
yet with a steady hand.

With knowledge and integrity,
yet with a sense of wonder and openness.

A hybrid of sorts,
listening with his mind,
yet responding with her heart.

My Son will grow without even realizing there was no Mother in our home,
as I did without a Father.

What will matter is that he have 100% of me,
The Father in me and the Mother in me.

His two Dads will be all the Mother he will ever need.

Happy Mothers Day Mom.
May, 13 2012

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