Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Catching Up with Dara Fisher on Religion, being a "Gayby" and just how great her Gaydar is.


Sorry for being gone so long!  We've had a heck of a life transition lately and unfortunately, my writing had to go on the back burner.  In July, my better half had weight loss surgery and as of this writing, is down nearly 80 pounds.   On top of that, my school schedule this semester has been pretty labor intensive and then there are those three kids that keep eating my food and leaving messes around the house.  I officially have a teenager now and he is making sure I know it.  I don't mind him getting older but I wish he'd quit dragging me along with him.

I have had some amazing, life altering experiences over the past few months.  To be honest, I've spent a lot of my quiet moments reflecting on my life and the role I play in this World.  I work in a hotel and I have gay couples who check in often.  Recently, we had a group of our Marines return home from Afghanistan.  A lovely lesbian couple came into the hotel to check in and I could tell from their body language that they were trying to keep a distance from each other in an effort to avoid being detected.  I have seen this happen quite a few times but I knew instantly how to address the issue.  I smiled as I checked them in and when it came down to make the room keys, I addressed both ladies as “Mrs. Smith” because I had noticed they were both wearing wedding rings and also came from a state in which gay marriage was legal.  It was as if a huge weight had been lifted off their shoulders.  They became chatty and told me that they were in our area to welcome their son home from Afghanistan.  They asked me how I knew they were a married couple and I told them I was born with the ability to see love in all it's forms.  I also added that gaydar comes as part of the standard package when you have gay parents.  The next day, their son came into my office to thank me for making his Mom's feel welcome and he wanted to meet me because he was surprised to find another “gayby” that was in our age group.  It's always interesting to meet other children of gay parents because we all have a tendency to be really wonderful people.  I have yet to meet another gay family child that isn't absolutely awesome.  We tend to have a different outlook on life and as a result, we are open, loving, and funny people.  I don't get to meet very many of us simply because the whole gay family thing is relatively new.  Those of us who are adults grew up as a specialty thing.  For all of you who are raising children right now, I can't wait to see what the next 20 years has to offer.  I joke all the time that “we” are going mainstream.  I honestly believe our next generation is going to be the best one yet.  The children you are raising right now are going to be the voices of their generation.  They aren't going to be the minority, they are going to be part of the norm.  Rather than a young man getting excited about meeting another kid from a gay family, it's going to be, “You too huh?”

I had another experience this summer that really touched my heart too.  I met a gay man who I instantly clicked with.  He spent a few days in our local area, and over that time we had some really great conversations.  I also experienced for the first time the sadness that being gay can cause in someone's life.  This man was a beautiful soul.  He was suffering through some health issues because of his past history and anxiety was hampering his life.  I could see that he had a vibrant personality but that struggles with his sexuality had left him hurting.  It was a strange experience for me because I have never had to deal with homosexuality being a difficult issue, at least within my family.  I was born into the gay community and my parents along with their friends were always a source of love and acceptance.  You read all these stories about parents that disown their kids because they are gay but I've never seen the outcome of it.  Now I have and it absolutely broke my heart!  I felt so angry, almost to the point of rage when he told me about what he had to go through with his parents.  Not only was he estranged from his parents, he lived in fear of physical violence from his father because he was gay.  As a Mom, I just can't fathom how a parent could treat their child like that.  I love my babies.  I love my babies with a fierceness and dedication that knows no boundaries.  I love every single thing about each one of them from the top of their head to the stinky toes they put in their shoes!  They drive me up the wall sometimes but I love their independence and the fact that they can think for themselves and express their opinion.  There is nothing that could ever change that.  The idea that a child should be shunned for being gay is out of my comprehension.  This man was an adult, older than me in fact, but when it comes to parental relationships, we are always children.  This man was missing a key relationship in his life and it was causing him physical harm.  I don't understand.  I just don't understand.  I've always felt that I was the luckiest woman in the World because not only was I blessed with my children, but God thought enough of me to trust me to protect these beautiful little people.  The majority of these parents that disown their children do it because their religion tells them that being gay is a crime against God.  I am a Christian (Quit laughing!) and I feel that God created homosexuals just as he created me.  I am the first one to admit that I can be a bit high on the horse but I would never, ever, question God and his creations. 

I am also dealing with a weird situation with my youngest son.  MJ is 4 and attends a local Christian preschool.  I love the school and his teachers but I really don't want my son involved in organized religion.  Unfortunately, we don't have any preschools in our area that aren't religion based that our son is eligible for because of our income.  The husband and I have had quite a few arguments about MJ attending a religious school and I think we have finally found a meeting point.  I don't want MJ going to a school that is based in religion because he is part of a gay family.  Organized religion has a tendency to give us “sinners” anxiety problems and I don't want my baby to go through that.  I'm also not a big fan of letting our son think that he is better than other kids his age simply because he goes to a school that cost money and somehow gives off the feeling of “exclusivity.”  I understand parents wanting their children to have the best of the best but I want my children to grow up knowing equality, empathy, and pride in their achievements.  I don't intend to turn a child out into the World thinking they are better than anyone else.  Of course, I also don't believe that children who go to private schools turn out that way either.  Those character flaws are usually based in how the child is raised, not what school cashed their parents check.  Anyway, the long winded point is some of the issues that have come up with my son attending a religious school.  Last Christmas my little boy came home very excited because they were doing a Christmas play and he had been told to bring his whole family. They had also told the children to bring their family to Christmas morning service.  Of course, I just started laughing because when they told these toddlers to make sure they brought their family, they didn't know what MJ was going to come through that door with!  Knowing that our family would probably cause a scene, I opted to not attend the Christmas day service because I won't worship in a place where people like us aren't welcome.  I got a lot of negative feedback for that decision but I stand on it and will again this year.  I worry a lot about what type of information MJ is getting at school.  I know that a religious school is going to teach their beliefs to the children and I fret a lot about MJ being taught that his family is destined for the fire pits of hell.  Last week I was driving MJ to school with my daughter and from the backseat MJ said, “It's weird that I have two Grandpa's in one house”  I felt my heart drop because I knew exactly what my son was trying to say.  We were discussing our annual Thanksgiving trip to visit Papa and Grandpa and my 4 year old was expressing that he felt weird about having Grandpa's that were together.  Before I even had a chance to respond, my daughter got angry and said, “It's not weird!  Don't say that about Papa and Grandpa!”  I didn't have an immediate response because I was driving and trying to get my daughter off the ceiling of the car but I knew it was something I had messed up.  You see, my two oldest children have always known Papa and Grandpa were gay.  It was something that was part of their every day lives so there was never a weirdness about it.  MJ on the other hand has not lived around his two Grandpa's on a daily basis.  Dad and Richard live a few hours away and have since before MJ was born.  His Grandpa's are there for the Holidays but not part of his daily life.  His paternal Grandpa and Grandma see him almost every day and he spends as much time with them as he does with us.    Obviously, MJ's idea of what a “normal” family is would be based on what he sees.   I couldn't tell a toddler that he was wrong in thinking it was weird because it's not wrong.  Two Grandpa's is weird to a child who sees Grandparents as a Grandpa and a Grandma.  In the end I just asked him if he loves his Papa Norman...yes...okay...good...do you love your Grandpa Richard?  Yes!  Okay....good.  Well then, guess that deals with that problem.  I'm still hashing over this situation but for the time being, we're just going to stick with this solution.  Our family is blessed because we meld so well.  My husband's parents and my parents get along very well.  I adore my in laws and my parents love my husband.    When I was a kid, I wondered a lot how I was ever going to get married and have a family with parents like mine.  I'm really glad that was just another one of my pointless concerns.

Dara Fisher. A 33 year old Mother of 3 amazing children with her Prince Charming Keith.  
They live right outside of Palm Springs, California. Dara has degrees in Anthropology, Liberal Arts, and Business Administration.  
She works full time in the Hospitality Industry and attends college classes in pursuit of her MBA when she's not busy being Super Mom.   
She spend her spare time crocheting, quilting, and making a mess with pretty much anything she can get my hands into.  She is a huge Doctor Whofan and  can't eat while watching The Walking Dead. 
Oh and she also happens to be the daughter of gay parents and the Mother of a child with Asbergers  Syndrome and ADHD

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