Saturday, August 30, 2014

A gay dad shares his thoughts on love, life, food, friends and his new home, Durham NC.

By Henry Amador for DADsquared

This morning we awoke like we do most Saturday morning, at the crack of dawn.
Our nearly three year old son pops out of bed on drive and ready to go.

My husband and I have learned that we need to get up earlier than the crows in order to get at least one cup of coffee down before he shoots out of the gate.

This morning was incredibly mild and beautiful out side and we decided that a stroll through the Durham's Farmer's Market was in order.

I never really considered myself a city boy, although I was born in New York.
My Family moved to Florida in the early 70's when I was still a small child.
Growing up in that version of the South was soft and mellow and truly peaceful.
In retrospect, my childhood was blissful and safe.

My Mom had divorced before we moved to Florida
As a single parent she was fearful that my growing up in the city would be difficult, she was however hopeful that moving me somewhere greener and less populated with a nice sense of community would give me a better chance at the life.
A better chance at the life she wanted for me.
A life where kids could be kids, where they could run blindly and easily, be carefree and light, as light as a bubble floating on high.

Bubbles at the Durham Market

It's interesting that nearly 40 years after my mother decided to move me to greener pastures, I found myself having the same exact thoughts.
I found myself looking at our new born son and telling my husband that I did not want him growing up in South Florida.
So much had changed in my life time.
Florida was different and more difficult.
Life had become harder and busier.
I wanted our boy to have a chance at the life I wanted for him, I wanted him to grow up in a neighborhood like I did and like my husband did, with lots of kids running around and with a strong sense of community. 
A place where he could roam freely and safetly.
Somewhere where he could always stop and smell the roses.

Flowers at the Durham Market

Things change right?
Our communities change right?
The way we feel in our skins and on our streets and in our homes change right?
So sometimes those changes require a whole shift in spirit and in body.
My husband and I decided that a move to this old version of the South was exactly what we needed.
We chose Durham, North Carolina because it's truly a special and unique place.
Not only does our son have his extended family a stones throw away but in just one short year here we have built the most amazing group of friends.
Durhamites have big hearts and know what power lies in an embrace, in a garden, in the simple act of breaking bread, in feeding the body and the mind with the wonders of living off of this perfect place, this perfect land.

Feeding the Body at the Durham Market

Yes, the people we have met understand that life is meant to be lived.
That a mansion does not make a home.
That a million dollars does not make a man rich.
That a beautiful bench is only really beautiful when it is sat upon.
That a garden is a dream fulfilled.
That a gravel road was meant to lead the imagination and that skipping stones has been and will always be the easiest way to calm a heart.

At the Durham Market

Our new life understands the beauty of music.

And of appreciation.

Daddy, lets give him money for playing for us.

Our new life in Durham has set us all free.
It has not only given our son the space he needs to grow but most importantly it has given our family the space we need to love.

My husband and son

It has given us a place to call home, to be exactly who and what we are and the ability to create the Saturday mornings of our dreams.

My family

We invite you to explore Durham

Henry Amador is a husband, father, writer and life coach.
Henry Co-founded DADsquared with his husband Joel where they continue to provide love, support and resources to gay fathers and those on the road to fatherhood.
He lives in North Carolina with his happy tribe and hopes to grow old on the family farm with rolling hills, many children, grandchildren and a strong internet connection.

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