Sunday, May 13, 2012

The Mother and Father in me.

Author and his Mom

I recently said two very interesting things while chatting with some friends.

They were so interesting that I actually heard myself say them and thought, 

One was that my Mother had been all the Father I needed.

And the other was that I was Fathering the way I was Mothered.

hmmm, right?

My Mother, divorced in the late 60's and took on the awesome responsibility of raising a Son alone.

She up and moved us out of the city and took me to a place where I would be safe and loved and where I would, literally, want for nothing.

Now those of you familiar with me know that I spend much time collaborating with all kinds of Moms and Dads that know..
well pretty much everything.

In this world of blogging EVERYONE is an expert,
even the ones that claim to not be are actually selling themselves as the experts at not being experts.

We have Stay at Home Dads that, as Rodney said, get no respect!

We have Moms who's only purpose in life is to let us know that Breast Is Best!
leaving some of us Breast-less Dads with some very hungry children.

there's the INTACT movement, sharing their beliefs regarding circumcision,
mutilation, barbaric, old school, etc. etc.

And all of that,
in the name of Good Parenting. 
(and I believe their intentions to be true.)

We have religious groups that believe that NO PARENT, I repeat, NO PARENT is better than a GAY PARENT!

Why there's even a movement to abolish the words Mothers and Fathers and replace them with Parents.

That my friends is already happening,
and it is preposterous.
Same gendered families receiving their children's birth-certificates find themselves labeled as Parent 1 and Parent 2.

Not Mothers and Fathers as we would hope to be,
would expect to be.

All in the name of Good Parenting 
and of course saving the Sanctity of Holy Matrimony
and that,
one man one woman thing..

So obviously there is much we could all disagree on when it comes to raising our children.
So many sides that could be taken,
groups that could be joined,
theories that could be engaged.

but I'll go out on a limb and say that we all agree (deep down inside) that there really is no right or wrong way of being a good Mother or Father,
or both.

When I think of Fathering the way I was Mothered,
I have now come to realize that my Mom had to build our home by filling in a lot of the missing Dad blocks on her own,
she cemented them in place by using what ever knowledge she already innately possessed.

She could not have gone on line and found how to's on a Single Mothers raising Sons site,
and yet she did it,
the way her heart told her to.

Did she have to learn to not get stepped on?

Did she have to learn how to discipline a some what difficult boy?

Did she have to wing it and learn on the fly without the this method or that method?

And she was able to find a way to do all that historically Father stuff
and still give me a Mothers heart,
a Mothers touch.

Because of that,
because of the duality of all she had to be, become and embody.

I learned to now Father the way I was Mothered,
with compassion and warmth,
yet with a steady hand.

With knowledge and integrity,
yet with a sense of wonder and openness.

A hybrid of sorts,
listening with his mind,
yet responding with her heart.

My Son will grow without even realizing there was no Mother in our home,
as I did without a Father.

What will matter is that he have 100% of me,
The Father in me and the Mother in me.

His two Dads will be all the Mother he will ever need.

Happy Mothers Day Mom.
May, 13 2012

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1 comment:

  1. Beutiful as always Henry. Great picture of you and Annie. Much love.