Saturday, January 17, 2015

Five Things This Gayby Doesn't Want To Hear

By Dara Fischer














Henry Amador recently wrote an excellent article for The Next Family entitled, "Eight Things These Gay Dads Don't Want To Hear" The article was so clever and hit the nail right on the head.  After reading the blog, I got to thinking about all the questions I have been asked over the years being raised by gay parents, yes, a gay mom and a gay dad!
I have picked just a few to share.

1. Are you adopted?

No, I am not adopted.  I am genetically 50% my Mom and 50% my Dad.  Though depending on which parent I had ticked off that day, those percentages would increase or decrease.  I also have two non-biological parents, my Terri, whom I have written about before and my Mom’s partner.  I do not differentiate between my parents.  Though I will admit to liking Terri more than my Dad most of the time.  Dad can cook but Terri was a hairdresser who could not only perm my hair but brush it without ripping it out.  Terri’s talents were greatly appreciated during the big hair fad of 1992. 

2. Are you gay since your parents are?  Isn’t homosexuality genetic?

My Dad and I have a lot in common down this alley.  We both appreciate a good looking man.  Since I am female, that means that I am straight.  I have never been in a same-sex relationship or had the inclination to do so even though I have always viewed gay relationships and straight relationships as one in the same.  Now, I will admit to there being a few little details that genetics have blessed me with.  While I am heterosexual, I would identify as androgynous.  We have a joke in our family that I look like my Mom and act like my Dad.  Physically I am a good sized woman.  I tower in height over most females and I am built solid.  Back home we call that corn-fed but in California, it means you are a big girl.  Luckily Keith likes beefy chicks.  I am not classically feminine, either in appearance or behavior.  Because of this, I am mistaken for being a lesbian quite often but on the upside, I have been hit on by some pretty hot chicks.  If I swung that way, I bet I’d have some really great stories to tell.

3. Does having gay parents make your relationships more complicated since your parents weren’t married so you didn’t see a “normal” marriage?

No, in fact, I think it has made it easier.  My parents may not have been officially married but they lived as married couples.  I witnessed all the same things my friends did but with the understanding that a piece of paper does not make a marriage, the relationship does.  Keith and I are 11 years into our relationship and we are not legally married.  Not only are we not legally married, neither of us consider that to be an issue nor do we have any plans in the immediate future to change our marital status.  My parents taught me that I don’t have to be bound by tradition or other people’s expectations of me.  Just like my parents, Keith and I are not bound by a legal document, we choose to be together because we love each other.  A piece of paper is never going to be more valuable to us than the dedication we have to one another and our children.

4. Were you bullied for having gay parents?

Yes, very much so.  I love my parents and just like any other kids, I will defend their honor (well, what’s left of it anyway) to my last breath.  Most kids got into fights for someone calling their Mom fat but I had to deal with such lovely terms as: faggot, dyke, pansy, queer, and my personal favorite…..butt pirate.  Though in all fairness, I didn't understand the butt pirate comment until I was much older.  I was bullied, a lot.  Even though it was horrible at the time, what I took away from it was valuable.  I have never been one to stand for bullying.  I stood up for my friends when we were kids on a regular basis and I don’t allow my children to participate in bullying, either as the victim or the perpetrator.   A while back I found out that my daughter had been involved in bullying another girl at our local Boys and Girls club.  I know most parents would speak privately to their children about the issue but I didn't take that route.  I intentionally chastised my daughter in front of her little group of friends for being a bully and a person that nobody actually likes.  I had a few parents that told me I was wrong for doing it but by and large I got positive feedback.  While my method wasn't conventional, it achieved what it was meant to.  My daughter had to feel what her victim was going through and wouldn't you know it, we haven’t had an issue since.

5.  Who was the Mom and who was the Dad in your family?

When I was a kid, this question perplexed me.  Luckily by the time I was an adult I realized that what I was being asked was what gender roles my respective parents played in my formative years.  I always thought it was interesting that the question was posed in reference to my Dads more often than my Moms.  My Dads were men.  Terri was a little softer spoken, as is my Dad’s current partner Richard, but they were still guys.  My Dad is a guy’s guy.  He watches football, farts, and scratches places I don’t even want to think about.  In fact, most people don’t realize my Dad is gay when he’s not with Richard.  I can’t count how many times I have watched women hit on my Dad…including in gay bars!  Though I do feel odd seeing females pick up on my Dad, it just seems more natural to me when he gets hit on by men.  I didn't field too many questions concerning my Moms but I think that’s because for some strange reason, people seem to view female homosexuals are more acceptable than gay men.  Though my guy buddies in high school appreciated my two Moms but I think for a whole different reason.















Dara Fisher. A 33 year old Mother of 3 amazing children with her Prince Charming Keith.  
They live right outside of Palm Springs, California. Dara has degrees in Anthropology, Liberal Arts, and Business Administration.  
She works full time in the Hospitality Industry and attends college classes in pursuit of her MBA when she's not busy being Super Mom.   
She spend her spare time crocheting, quilting, and making a mess with pretty much anything she can get my hands into.  She is a huge Doctor Whofan and  can't eat while watching The Walking Dead. 
Oh and she also happens to be the daughter of gay parents and the Mother of a child with Asbergers  Syndrome and ADHD



4 comments:

  1. Hi Dara,

    Were your parents intentional co-parents, meaning they planned from day one to conceive and raise children together? I'm curious because my husband and I intentionally co-parent our 2 daughters' with their 2 moms.

    I'm a glogger on the Gays With Kids site and many of my posts are about intentional co-parenting. I approach it from different angles but, since my kids are only 5 and 8 and the few other co-parented families I know also only have young children, I have yet to write about the topic from the viewpoint of an adult raised in a family like ours. In other words, would you mind being interviewed for one of my columns? :-) If not, no worries at all.

    Thanks!

    Bill Delaney
    You can visit the Gays With Kids site to see what I've written so far: https://gayswithkids.com/bill-delaney

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    Replies
    1. Hi Bill,
      Apparently my response got chucked with my login failure. Yes, I was an intentional creation on my parents part. My entire existence is because two childhood best friends wanted to be able to have children even though they were gay. My parents intended to be a family unit that included their partners (though at the time my Mom did not have one).
      I would love to help you out with your column. I enjoy being able to share my experiences with gay parents because I know it's a difficult road to travel and I want gay parents to know that we really do turn out normal and thrive in this World. You can reach me at darafisher@yahoo.com

      Delete
  2. Heh, heh; I wrote "glogger" instead of "blogger". Coined a new word for Gay Blogger! :-)

    ReplyDelete