Wednesday, April 3, 2013

A little answer to the big question, why am I here? by Dara Fisher


Right now the United States Supreme Court is deliberating on the gay marriage issue. 
I have mixed feelings about this because I don't understand why the highest court in our Country should even need to address an issue that should be just part of our fabric in America.  
Just as the Supreme Court doesn't need to hand down a ruling concerning heterosexual marriages or interracial marriages, there should be no question on the legality and necessity of gay marriage.
I have heard a couple of the arguments against gay marriage and it's clear to me that the people raising these concerns have no legitimate knowledge of the dynamics of gay families.  
I would also go as far as to say that they are reaching for straws when it comes to speculating about the outcome for children raised in gay families.  
These politicians act as if there is no way to know how the children raised in gay families will turn out,
but that just isn't true.  
Gay parenting did not start with Ricky Martin, Neil Patrick Harris or Elton John.  These celebrity Dad's and their spouses have just put a face to something that has existed for many years.

I am something of a unique situation in that my parents were never in a heterosexual relationship.  
They didn't get married, have kids and then "become" gay after a divorce. 
I was an intentional creation between two lifelong best friends.   
I was not created in a laboratory and I do have a belly button (I have been asked that many times.)  
My Mom was bisexual and my Dad is a gay man.  

I get asked often if I ever feel weird because of how I was conceived and my answer is simply, no.
In my mind, my conception doesn't seem strange at all,  the reason people usually choose to have children is love, they want to share their heart with their children.  
In my case, not only did I have parents that loved me dearly, but my parents actually loved the idea of me before I was even conceived.  

I joke sometimes that my Dad loved me so much that he was willing to sleep with my Mom.  
On my birthday every year I always thank my Dad for "taking one for the team." 

My life story actually begins many years before I was even a thought in my parents mind.  
My Mom and Dad grew up together in Oklahoma, they were best friends and my Dad even took my Mom to the prom.  
My Mom never was one to settle for what was expected of her.  
She moved by herself to Los Angeles, rode a motorcycle, and fell in love with a woman. 
Mom was a career woman in the seventies and I think her independent nature was one of the catalysts in the decision to have me.  

When my Mom was in her late 20's, she decided that she wanted a baby but she didn't want a man, even with the women's movement in full force and the idea of having a child outside of wedlock still unpopular,
she didn't care.  

In 1979, she had moved to Houston and decided it was time to be a Mom.  She called my Dad who was living in Oklahoma City at the time and asked him if he wanted to father a child with her.  
Judging by my existence, I'm going to assume the answer was yes.  

I don't have a lot of the details about this but from what I was told, Mom went to Oklahoma City for the weekend and went back to Houston pregnant, with me.  
There's been a lot of argument over this but according to my Mom, Dad was just supposed to be a sperm donor and she intended to be a single Mom,  according to my Dad, he intended to be my Father and at some point, my parents met in the middle.
I was born in April of 1980 in Texas.  
At the time, you had to be legally married to put the father's name on the birth certificate so my Dad's name isn't on mine. 

I didn't know that my parents were gay until I was 11 years old.  My Mom had married my Stepdad when I was 4 so there was no telling signs there.  I knew Dad and my Terri lived together and shared a bedroom but since it was something I had always known, it wasn't something I ever questioned.  
Our lives were so normal that when I found out that my Dad was gay, it was really weird.  
I was in fifth grade, my friend and I were watching a gay pride parade on television and I made a comment about how strange those people were.  My Mom said, "Honey, they aren't as strange as you think, you never know who is gay."  
Being the onery kid I was, I responded with, "I think I'd know if someone around me was gay."  
Just then my friend turned to me and said, "Duh, your Dad is gay!"  
My response? I slugged her for saying it!

For a few months, my life got really difficult,  I felt like I wasn't supposed to know that my Dad and Terri were a gay couple.  I would find ways of avoiding any situation in which I would acknowledge that my Dad was gay.  For some silly reason, I was scared of my Dad finding out that I knew his big gay secret. 

Finally, one day I just couldn't handle the stress of pretending that I didn't know and I asked my Dad if it was okay that I knew he was gay, my Dad, funnily enough, always though that I had already known.
I loved Terri as a parent and treated him with the same respect and affection that I gave my biological parents.  
Not only did I have to come to terms with my Dad being gay, I also realized that all of my Dad's friends that I spent so much time with were also gay! 
I had been living in the gay community and had no idea! 

So Dadsquared has graciously invited me to be a guest blogger on this site.  I am very excited about the idea and look forward to being able to share more about our lives.  
My reason for opening up and writing about our lives is to let people get an inside look at the world that children raised in gay families live in.  

The Supreme Court is debating on gay marriage and some of the questions they are asking themselves are ones that most of us who have grown up in the gay community could answer. 

How do these children being raised in gay families turn out? 
We end up being awesome!  Thanks for asking!  We are loving, open minded, normal people with a great sense of humor.  
Sociological studies have shown that children raised in gay families have mental problems. 
Not true.  Most of us are happy well adjusted people who have successful relationships and raise more loving, open minded, and awesome children.  
Children raised in gay families face bullying and discrimination.
This only happens when society attaches a stigma to our families.  If you guys legalize gay marriage, then we get to be part of the cool kids and nobody will pick on us anymore.  
We have no point of reference to confirm that these gay parent raised children will successful members of society. 
Yes, you do!  There are a lot of us kids that were raised by gay parents that are all grown up now.  We have a voice and it is our job to speak up so that the younger generation of kids in gay families don't have to deal with the discrimination we had growing up. 

I am looking forward to being able to share my thoughts on gay marriage, children being raised in gay families, and giving support and reassurance to those who have questions about us.  I intend to touch on subjects like the relationship between gay parents, bullying, discrimination, acceptance and even some of the weird questions I have been asked over the years. I honestly believe that if people see who we really are, there might not be such opposition to gay marriage and gay families.

Dara Fisher. A 33 year old Mother of 3 amazing children with her Prince Charming Keith.  
They live right outside of Palm Springs, California. Dara has degrees in Anthropology, Liberal Arts, and Business Administration.  
She works full time in the Hospitality Industry and attends college classes in pursuit of her MBA when she's not busy being Super Mom.   
She spend her spare time crocheting, quilting, and making a mess with pretty much anything she can get my hands into.  She is a huge Doctor Who fan and  can't eat while watching The Walking Dead. 
Oh and she also happens to be the daughter of gay parents and the Mother of a child with Asbergers  Syndrome and ADHD

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