DADsquared℠

I've already shared with you that my family tends to be rather private. We do not have many Gay friends and even fewer Gay friends raising children. Yesterday we ventured out of our comfort zone. We picked out a great little outfit for our Son, I swear he sensed that we were going on an adventure .. and we took a little drive. A few weeks ago, a Gay couple we know suggested we join a group, a Gay Family group called South Florida Family Pride, www.southfloridafamilypride.org This particular group, some 150 members strong is headed up by a couple of lovely guys raising a beautiful boy and preparing for their next. The event we attended was a good old fashioned cook out held at a beautiful state park.. There were more than a few Gay Dads running around with 1, 2 or 3 little ones in tow. All with their own amazing stories of why they became fathers...how they became fathers. So inspiring . This BBQ was different because the Florida pride group joined up with a...

This morning over coffee I was reading a story on the news regarding the State of Virginia passing legislation banning adoptions by same sex couples. I thought to myself, how horrible for "those" people, when I realized that I am " those " people, my husband and I are " those " people. I have spent so much of my life just being myself, naturally, realistically, wholeheartedly, peacefully and happily. I gladly admit, I have never been the victim of a hate crime, I have never suffered at the hands nor mouth of another individual due to my homosexuality.. I have always lived my life openly and honestly and therefore I live a life of beauty and choice. While I say I have never been wronged by another being, I have however been wronged by a group of them known as my Government. ( I'm only now feeling the need to report it .) As a gay man, I have always dreamt of equality on some scale. My plan was simple.. Live my life as true to myself ...

Today is one of those days. The kind of day that makes you look back at your life, your decisions, your choices, your actual role in the creation of you destiny. September 8th 2011 was the day we got a very long awaited call. It was our fostering agency letting us know that we were officially, finally licensed foster parents. That chapter in our life had actually begun November of 2010 . I'll go into all those details a different day but suffice it to say becoming a foster parent is not for the faint of heart and certainly not for those who aren't 100% committed to children and to family. On September 9th 2011, the day after our congratulatory call ,we got another call from our agency asking us that magical question, are you ready to be fathers ? There was a baby available who needed a home. All they were able to tell us at the time was that he was almost 4 months old, African American and had been sadly...abused. We said yes, we'd take him. the day we...

The following was written for It's conceivable now and can not be reproduced without writers consent. I was reminded the other day of just what lengths some of us must go through.... choose to go through .. in order to create our families. A client of mine was sharing her story about her desire to be a mother and how she and her husband had finally decided to go the route of invitro-fertalization. The cost was astronomical as was the emotional toll it took on her entire family. But after years of failed attempts, up and downs and much much faith, their twins were born and their family feels complete. We began the discussion after over hearing another woman telling her stylist how she and her husband were not even trying to get pregnant...how a baby right now was not exactly in the plan but, hey, they'd figure it out. Her thoughts about pregnancy were so nonchalant, so matter of fact and so, well, simple. Simple was certa...

I was recently asked to re-post a few older blog post I wrote about my Father and of course it got me thinking..... surprise , me thinking!? Lol Firstly, what an amazing twist these "Father, Son, Secrets" blogs have taken since part 1 right!? And secondly, about my family being so big on secrets, no correction,  BIG  on secrets. Perhaps it was that crazy Spanish Catholic guilt thing? I could trace it back to early immigrants desires to fit in, ( hmmm future blog post ), to hide thier family's weaknesses? Or perhaps it was just the time, As a culture,  we seem , so much less concerned about appearances these days. Anyway, I was thinking about secrets and how easily we carry them forward, make them our own. My husband Joel and I have some amazing opportunities ahead of us. Now having an adopted son, we will be faced with the choices of what we tell him, how much we offer, what color filters will we choose to make it easier for him, for us. Our son came to us with h...

Do you ever have those moments in life, whether actual moments or months or years when your heart and your mind are just so entangled and engaged that you simply feel the need for quiet? For silence? Those moments where you go deep inside and wrap your self in hope and faith and trust because.... at your core you know change is coming ... Not simple change. Not expected change. Not familiar change. But a type of change that you know will melt you down to nothing and finally fade away leaving an entirely different you. Well that's where I've been. So what's different about me now? Well.....  I'm a father . Some of you are new to our family so you may not get the depth of that sentence. Yet others will know just what it took for me, and my Husband Joel, to be able to finally own those 3 simple words.... I'm a father . I can not possibly catch you all the way up in this newest post so please bare with me and be prepared for more. For now suffice it to say...

Joel and I had our first Thanksgiving Day dinner at home since we have been together. We have always been lucky enough to be invited to lovely homes with even lovelier people. But this year we felt a stronger sense of home.. Perhaps it's all the adoption thoughts. The idea of growing our family... Starting new traditions, traditions of our own. Regardless, we let our hearts guide us..and had a few friends over. When my Mother passed away....for a short while I had no dreams of her. I hated that ... I was afraid that slowly she would be erased from my mind.. From my memories. That her intensity would fade. Her presence would soften and become so distant that I would no longer recognize it.. I wrote things down. I searched for photos. I even tattooed myself with what she always said to me when I left her home. On my chest. Over my heart. So I could never forget... Que la virgen te acompañe  (may the Virgen be with you) Yeste...

Ah, Thanksgiving day. It is the day we gather.....and break bread.....and give thanks. On this day I feel particularly heavy....particularly thoughtful. I find myself wondering why I so easily forget, why I need these days to be reminded to be THANKFUL. My life sometimes feels like a blur.... I describe it like this. Me...still...motionless...and life spinning, somewhat out of focus...circling me...I can feel the breeze it stirs up... I gaze forward, and every now and then I am forced, by this grand Universes, to focus, to see something... to see someone....to smell it... to feel it. At those moments, the world stops, I can reach out to it and bring the source of my focus in, it becomes mine, becomes real, even if just for that moment, however long that moment last. And then the world starts to spin once more and I begin to gaze again...to wait for the Universal reminders. When we leave a funeral we are reminded how fragile life is. How we should not take one second for grant...

As many of you know, my Husband and I want to be Fathers. It is a desire that we both share that at the most difficult of times is all consuming. At the best of times is a soft, constant hum, that we just feel and have learned to live with. We are Family-less Family men..... Childless, Fathers. My blogging experience started out as interesting career stories, but know I feel I should ad my voice to the world of Gay men stepping out onto uncharted territory, Gay men wanting to be Dads. Over the past few years we have explored many ideas into Fatherhood. We have explored surrogacy...... At a whopping cost averaging $100,000. We have explored international surrogacy possibilities involving sperm and eggs and India and $60,000. We have explored becoming Foster Parents. We have explored adopting through the Sates of Florida. Still a viable option. We have explored private adoption, since the ban on same sex adoption laws finally changed here in...