Tuesday, February 14, 2012

the father the son and the holy secrets..part 3

I was recently asked to re-post a few older blog post I wrote about my Father and of course it got me thinking.....surprise, me thinking!? Lol

Firstly, what an amazing twist these "Father, Son, Secrets" blogs have taken since part 1 right!?

And secondly, about my family being so big on secrets, no correction, BIG on secrets.

Perhaps it was that crazy Spanish Catholic guilt thing?

I could trace it back to early immigrants desires to fit in, (hmmm future blog post), to hide thier family's weaknesses?

Or perhaps it was just the time,
As a culture, we seem, so much less concerned about appearances these days.

Anyway, I was thinking about secrets and how easily we carry them forward, make them our own.

My husband Joel and I have some amazing opportunities ahead of us.

Now having an adopted son, we will be faced with the choices of what we tell him, how much we offer, what color filters will we choose to make it easier for him, for us.

Our son came to us with his very own set of realities...
He had a family before us, the one he was born into...

Now I will state that I truly believe he was born into that world simply to come into ours.

But we still can't deny their existence.

One day we will have to tell him their story, and believe me it's not the prettiest story to share but it's also not the ugliest.
That I know.

We won't be able to hide his adoption, as many "traditional" family's have done..
Waiting for an 18th birthday to shake a world...
Or having a child come to that realization on their own for one reason or another..

No, we are obviously a created and intentional family..
As much as would love to say, "I carried you for nine months", that's just not going to fly. Lol

So we will have choices to make..

How transparent will our family be?
We have already started reading him lovely story books about families with two daddies..

When the time is right we will throw some of those "politically correct" childrens books in that actually us the "A" word, adoption.

We've already spent time with specialist who have given us phrases to use:
"you were chosen"
"we wanted you"
"your so lucky to have TWO daddies that love you"

That's all good, great actually,
but how much of his secrets will we carry forward?

Will we ask him to carry forward?

How much if his truth will we deny him out of protection?
Out of fear of hurting him?
Out of fear of how it will make him perceive us?


Will my son one day be me?
A grown man finding things out, wondering why?

Or will I be a different parent than my own?

Easy answer right?


Namaste

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