Tuesday, February 14, 2012

roasting pans..tattoos and beautiful signs

Joel and I had our first Thanksgiving Day dinner at home since we have been together.

We have always been lucky enough to be invited to lovely homes with even lovelier people.

But this year we felt a stronger sense of home..

Perhaps it's all the adoption thoughts.

The idea of growing our family...
Starting new traditions,
traditions of our own.

Regardless, we let our hearts guide us..and had a few friends over.

When my Mother passed away....for a short while I had no dreams of her.

I hated that...

I was afraid that slowly she would be erased from my mind..
From my memories.

That her intensity would fade.

Her presence would soften and become so distant that I would no longer recognize it..

I wrote things down.

I searched for photos.

I even tattooed myself with what she always said to me when I left her home.

On my chest.

Over my heart.
So I could never forget...

Que la virgen te acompañe  (may the Virgen be with you)

Yesterday...bright and early in the day we took out my Grandmother's old roasting pan..

The same pan my Mother always used.

I figure at least 70+ turkeys have been cooked in that pan.

It's old and dented and far from William Sonoma,
but yesterday it taught me a beautiful lesson.

As the morning unfolded our house was a flurry of activity.
The Parade on the television...
A beautiful table to be set..
Happy things...warm things....

Joel watched over our turkey,
basting often.. (it was the best turkey ever!) 
At one point I reminded him to add more water to the pan.

How much? He asked.

I wandered into the kitchen and looked into that old pan.

And there it was ..my sign..my sweetest reminder..

All The years of roasting had left a shadow on the inside of the pan.
It showed us exactly how much water to add.

Just where she would have filled it to..
Just where my Grandmother would have filled it to.

And just like that,
my mind was flooded with memories.

Happy, childhood memories..
Memories of all shapes and sizes..

The same memories I so foolishly thought I would loose.

They are still here....
She is still here....and she always will be.

Silly me.



  1. sill you indeed! And a wonderful wonderful post, thanks and it sounded like a perfect Thanksgiving.. Ours was wonderful as well and similar: Turkey at our own home to give our 2 year old holiday dinner memories.. we are still fostering him, (for 2 years now) and so hoping 2013 we can say the big "A" word.. Adoption.. keeping our fingers crossed and are enjoying every second of it! Looking forward to more post about your growing family..

    1. Thank you Yoli! I always appreciate your kind words! xoxo