Tuesday, February 14, 2012

the father the son and the holy secrets. part 2

The following is an excerpt from a letter I recently found written by my Father to my Mother on May 16th, 1962.

This letter was written 4 months before they married and 17 months before my birth.

It is yet another layer being softly peeled away from the lives of Annie and Henry, their secrets and their fears and perhaps most importantly....... their hopes.

It should serve as proof to all souls who read this that things are not always as they appear.
We don't always know what we know.
Sometimes we simply eat what we are served.

As difficult as some of these revelations are for me, they are equally lovely and comforting.
They will undoubtedly enrich my life (and the lives that surround me) in ways that I have yet to comprehend.

The marriage my Father was referring to had been unknown to me.


Dear Annie,

I guess it's time for me to be a man and let you know my feelings about your upcoming marriage.
I am all mixed up inside and I am wondering why.

I do know one thing, I am not indifferent about you.

Whether it's love or friendship only God knows, and don't I wish I knew.

Of all the girls i've ever met you are the sweetest and most lovable, your personality has no match.
Your family, as you already know, is the best in the world including my own.

I should walk as proud as a king when I walk with you and yet I don't.

Annie I will admit to you that I have treated you very badly.
The last few nights have been sleepless knowing that soon you'll be having Joe's kids and not mine like I know it should be.

I've nothing against Joe, I guess it's just inexplicable jealousy.

I don't want you to marry Joe.

I am asking for a break.

You can punish me 100 fold for what i've done to you and believe me it will hurt if you turn me down as I deserve.
I would like to start again, just you and me, nobody else.
Go out to shows like other young couples, stay out just talking etc.

You see Annie we have never done these things.
I've never really tried to let myself  know you.
I only know Annie, Juana's kid, not Annie, the woman.

I want a chance, I can't promise it will work but I am willing.

I don't know how this will affect Joe but I don't care because this is you and me (not my family or your family or my friends).

If you decide as I hope you will, please understand that I want us to wait until I am out of the Army to marry, so we can have a home everyday and not just when I am on leave.

Annie, write me back soon, I know that this is a rough decision.
My cards are on the table.
Please make me happy.



Help me love you,

Henry


p.s.
This letter is for you. I don't want to discuss it's content with anyone but you.
May God help us to make a right decision.
I'll pray that it is according to his will.



Knowing some of the things I know now I read this letter with great insight.
What lie between it's lines are poetic to me.
How had my Father hurt my Mother?
Why did she choose to call off her marriage to Joe?
Who is Joe? (My Mother never mentioned him, although I think I know where that answer may lie.)
My Father wanted to wait to marry, he had nearly two years left of service, why were they wed 4 short months later?

I know that my Father was struggling with his demons then.
Did my Mother know?
Had she met his demons?
Did she choose to ignore them?
Did she think love could conquer them?

Did she truly believe she could..... help him love her?



Namaste

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